What’s in the Bag?

The challenge was to write 1000 words with the prompt, “What’s in the Bag?”

Sound recording at the end if you want to hear me read it out loud.

“What have you bought now? asked the other half. I could hardly hear him over the dog barking like a demented direwolf. Within seconds of me opening the door, the poor delivery driver was trying to get the dog’s teeth out of his trousers.

 “Stop it!” I yelled at the dog, confused at his behaviour. “What exactly do you mean, “what have I bought now?’ Hmm?” Ignoring the dog, the parcel and the delivery driver for two seconds, I exerted my most vicious glare at my other half, although he couldn’t see me.

 “That Amazon driver has been here at least twice a day, every day, for the last five years!”

 “Don’t be ridiculous! Besides, this isn’t an Amazon delivery!”

 “Hah!“

 “This guy...” I said as I wrestled the over-enthusiastic dog and my parcel indoors. The delivery lad scarpered, muttering under his breath. “This guy is from an antiques shop.”

 “Antiques shop? Aren’t you the one who keeps saying ‘why do people call things antique, pay a lot, and act pretentious when it is just a pile of old shit?’ What antique would you buy?” He trundled into the kitchen where I was opening my parcel, because, as always, his nosiness knew no bounds!

“Get down!” I yelled at the dog, shoving his little feet off the edge of the kitchen table, nose reaching for the bag. “I said… GET DOWN!”

“Leave the damn dog. Come on, show me! This I have got to see!”

” What’s up with the dog today? There’s nothing here for him! It’s just an old carpet bag!”

“A plastic bag for storing carpets in?”

“No! Don’t be facetious! An antique carpet bag. Look!” I pulled the slightly shabby, and especially large, (and ugly), old bag out to show him, using my leg to push the dog away from the packaging.

“Leave it! Go to bed!” I cautioned the dog, who was jumping up and down on my last nerve. I gave my beloved a similar scowl, because, to be honest, he was starting to work my nerves as well.

“Ah, poor thing! Mummy doesn’t love you...”

I scowled.

“… don’t shout at the dog. He is only interested in what you have bought.”

“Apparently, he is not the only one!”

“You only use tiny bags. Why such a big bag?”

I started to giggle. “Never mind why!”

“No, go on… tell me. This I have to hear! A giant bag. A giant antique bag. I have to know … although I feel like I might regret this.”

“Well, I chatted to this guy online, and apparently this bag… this specific bag… belonged to Mary Poppins. You know, the super-nanny who loved children so much?”

“This guy online? Mary Poppins? I know you didn’t grow up in the U.K., but you know Mary Poppins isn’t real, right? You have been scammed! Besides, wasn’t her bag magic? You do know magic isn’t real either, right? Wait… is that why you bought it?”

“I am not an idiot! It is just a bit of fun. Although fiction can be loosely based on fact. Besides, her bag wasn’t magical.”

 “It was!”

 “No, it wasn’t! She just had a bag of holding. Science, not magic.”

 “Do tell!”

 “Well, it is where you can fit more inside it than it looks like you can. Like a whole lot more.”

 “So, like the TARDIS? Bigger on the inside?”

 “Well, sort of. A TARDIS is time and relative dimension in space. Hence the name. You know. T. A. R. D. I . S. Time and relative dimensions in space…?”

 I couldn’t help but notice the eye roll, but I soldiered on with my explanation. “Well, a bag of holding is only a dimensional pocket. No wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff.”

He shook his head. “Pedant! Geek! The bag of holding idea comes from those books you read?”

“Yup. And, like you don’t know what a TARDIS is! Anyway, Mary Poppins had a bag of holding. This is her bag. Ergo, this is a bag of holding.”

“It’s. Not. Real.”

“Ah, my god, you have no imagination! Just let me pretend for once in your terribly real existence!”

“Hmpf!” He pulled the bag open and looked inside. “Look! Empty! No interdimensional pocket! What a surprise!”

“Ah, but that is because you can’t see into an interdimensional pocket.”

“Sure! Of course! And you get your stuff out, how exactly?”

“Well, you have to know what is inside it and then, sort of will it out.”

“So, you bought Mary Poppins’ magical interdimensional bag of holding, but you can’t get anything out of it because… you don’t know what is stored in it. Uh huh! How convenient!”

 “Maybe? Or maybe I could will out a handful of gold coins, just like this…” I held out my hand, with a fake serious expression and solemnly said. “Withdraw ten gold coins.”

I jerked my hand in shock and gold coins went rolling around the kitchen floor. I went silent. He went silent. Even the damn dog went silent.

 “Good trick,” he said. “How did you do it?”

 “Erm… just… um…” I looked at the eternal sceptic, knowing he would never believe I hadn’t done anything at all.

 “Ah… just… trade secret!” I didn’t want to lie to him but what was I going to say? I laughed, as I gathered up the coins. I put them into the bag, and raced upstairs, saying. “Just gonna put this away. I might stay upstairs and read for a while.“

Reaching the spare room, I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. I took a deep breath.

“Empty,” I willed the bag. Things started to tumble out onto the floor, one after another. An umbrella. A hat. A leather-bound journal. A blue coat with black trimming. A few loose gold coins. A money pouch. A chest. Yup, an honest to goodness chest! And then, they came. Children. Bodies of children, to be precise. They tumbled out, one after another, filling my spare room with no end to them in sight.

 “Well, shit!” I gasped.